Summer's getting closer!

After spending so many hours at Paw Prints this week, much to the sacrifice of the cleanliness of my house, I appreciate what goes into keeping the adoption center so well organized and clean. Thanks to Beth and Leah plus the others who come in on their days. You both amaze me at your passion and ability to put them above yourself!
I spent several hours there today and got to meet the new family for Puma. She's a great little cat who came to us just about a week ago. She's so social and playful so I'm glad that this family picked her. There's been some things going on with the kittens at the adoption center. We don't know what is happening to them, but we've lost a lot of them recently. It's so hard to come to terms with it, so the best way that I can deal with it is to pray for them and then forget that it happens. I do break down into tears to relieve the pressure, plus it makes me feel better to mourn for these little babies who deserved so much more.
As for running, I'm very bitter about it now. I need to get over this and just get back to running. I haven't actually been running that much as I've done the bike and elliptical to help my shin splint or whatever it is to heal. It seems to be working and plan to run every day this week. I just hope and pray that it's going to stay better!
I've got so much personally going on that I need the running for my therapy. It makes me feel better for the most part, although when I ran on Friday morning, I was so mad about having to run at the track, I cut my workout short. I just couldn't run 12 more times around the track or I'd have to admit myself into the looney bin. I decided that going home was a better option. I did work out some stuff while running so glad I went, plus I got to watch the sun rise.
Well, more later!

Here we go again

Well, I decided that the next marathon would be four weeks or after, so I took the last so many weeks from my original training program and started there. So I ran 20 miles at the gym yesterday. Yes, 200 microlaps at the gym. It was too cold and windy for me to go outside as the cold makes my lungs mad at me. I hate wind too. So I got energized up on Friday night and got up early Saturday. I finished the 20 miles with a little walking, gatorade, and a lot of off and on leg pain. I finished though and have been icing it and will take a week off from running. That is not to say I won't be doing other exercise. It's totally amazing that I could basically easily complete this 20 miles while struggling last weekend. No, I wasn't running at near the pace, but still. Feeding the body is so important.
Anyway, it was a good run, my legs are NOT sore today at all minus the injury area, so I'm very confident that I can at least finish the next marathon quest in a good time. I have no desires to kill myself to qualify for Boston, as my balloon is deflated. Maybe I will get the urge to try really hard again, but at this point, I want to, have to finish my next marathon. It's amazing what this training has done. I am a very strong runner now more than ever, again, minus the injury. I would love to get my short race speed up after I'm done with this, sleep in a little more, and enjoy the running instead of worrying about the next training run. Yes, it's all self inflicted, but it's rather fun to watch yourself transform. Not on the outside mind you as I think I look exactly the same, no weight loss, nothing, but underneath, my muscles are runnin' strong!
Well, my living room looks like a movie theater, so my boys and I are going to enjoy an afternoon of Monsters vs. Aliens with our bowls of popcorn and Sierra Mist.
Happy Mother's Day to all you moms out there, whether you have living or non-living children, or furry children, or naughty children, or even if you don't like children. If you are a caretaker, you are a mother. Thank you to all the moms out there for all you do.

The aftermath

It has been an emotional week. I have all sorts of feelings from the letdown of the "marathon" weekend. So many people knew what I was going to attempt to do, so I had to explain to a lot of people that just because you have a mustang in the garage doesn't mean it can run without fuel. That's the way I felt about the supposed marathon I was to run last Sunday. I'm getting over it, I have a plan of action, but I'm just not going to share it with many people so I don't have to explain what happened if something else happens this time. I have gotten all support from people that I did the right thing. I don't question that as I have run before when I didn't have the energy and it totally soaked me and I ended up throwing up, and that was ONLY 17 miles. So I knew better. But as one friend said, the problem that I had was an easily fixed one. Something that I can remedy easily for the next time. That's both the good news and the bad news. It was as dumb and simple as not eating correctly the day before while all along, I thought that I was doing the right thing. Big ole' buzzer comin' my way! Anyway, I realize what I did wrong and will try, try again. I do have a plan, just not willing to share the exact details. I hope to come back and tell everyone that I did it... I either qualified for Boston or I at least ran a good race ALL THE WAY THROUGH. As another put it, you have good days, you have bad days, go with the flow, learn from them and move on. And as I've said in a few other posts, I'm going to keep on keepin' on. I'm pissy that I have another 20 miler to do on Saturday. I thought I was done with these. Nope. Need to get these muscles back into distance. With the injury and everything else, I need to suck it up and go for it.

Today

The Lincoln Marathon, 8,000 strong; it's an AWESOME atmosphere, one of the best races I've been to for crowd support and drink stations.

Well, today is not how I wanted it to be. Instead of finishing the Lincoln Marathon in 3 hrs and 45 minutes, I finished the 1/2 marathon in 1 hour and 58 minutes. I don't know nor understand what happened. I have trained for 18 weeks and am strong enough to successfully complete my goal. The stars aligned and the conditions were right, although it was a little warm for me. I knew at about mile 4 that something was just wrong. My injury was feeling good, my legs were strong, breathing was just as it should except for a cough every few hundred feet. I could deal with it. BUT when your body runs out of gas that early, there's no way you can replenish what you have lost nor what you are about to expend. I did my carb loading, I rested, I did was I was supposed to do. I got up at 2:30 the night before and ate more carbs. I drank enough then didn't drink much two hours before (so I wouldn't be running to the port-a-potties during the race). It was all good. But even before I started running, I told my husband that I just didn't feel full. I felt hungry. I ate more than a linebacker should, I ate constantly the past day, plus lots of carbs the two days before that. I got lots of sleep. But my body didn't show up. I simply couldn't finish the full marathon without compromising my health, let alone qualify for Boston. I decided that I needed to finish the 1/2 marathon and get home. I didn't want to end up passed out because I had no fuel left, which is how I thought it could very well end up. I didn't want to hurt my leg further (I'm icing it as I type this~yes, it hurts but was fine while running). I didn't want to get to mile 22 and not qualify AND hurt something. So I stopped at 13.1 miles . I NEVER thought I would do that. Never in a zillion years. But my body told me that I needed to stop. Rarely do I ever listen to anyone (just ask my husband), but I had a feeling that today wasn't going to be it. I knew around mile 4 that I wasn't going to be able to keep it up. I did until about mile 9 and then decided to just finish the frickin' 1/2 and be done.

I'm mad, sad, depressed, ANGRY, and lots of other feelings. Disappointed is probably the biggest one, mostly in myself, but some for myself. I was really hoping to celebrate today, or to at least finish the full marathon in good accord. I knew at the time, stopping half way was the right thing to do. Rarely do I ever "give up" or take the short way, but something told me to just stop. So I listened. I wonder now if I could have just walked it out for a mile, finished in good 4 1/2 hours or something. I need to stop that, but I am a very competitive person, so I have to wonder. But my motherly voice to myself tells me I did the right thing. It's just a marathon, there's lots more. Boston has been there for a billion years, it will be there in two more.

So my question is: What do I do now? I have my Storm Lake, Marathon to Marathon all planned out. With the wonderful crowds and atmosphere at Lincoln, do I want to compete on a road through corn fields virtually by myself in June when it's even warmer? I know that I can finish in the time I want, the question is if I can finish in that time ON A RACE DAY. That's a big question. I guess I don't know if I want to be this disappointed right now, plus the conditions will not even be close to today's. It really doesn't matter, as I tried. I tried today, I failed to perform today. I'm upset, sad, disappointed, weepy. The funny thing is that I ran 13.1 miles today and I feel like I walked around the block. I'm not really tired. Besides the injury, I'm not even sore! I didn't even need a nap. It's like a sick joke. I was ready to run 26.2. Sigh, one can never tell, nor control what happens with everything in your life. Some of us are slow learners.

I have a dream, a passion that burns inside me. I am a runner. I am proud that I tried, I'm proud that I could make the decision to stop. I'm just proud that I could attach to a dream and come pretty darned close to making it come true. I did the work, it didn't pan out. Deep breath. Life will go on, I will keep running. Who knows, some day I may get there. Maybe not. But as for me, I'm just going to keep on, keepin' on.

Some people have told me that they have wanted to comment on my posts. This thing is picky and doesn't like getting comments without getting a hair sample, or so it seems, so please just email me at: kellikerk@cableone.net and I will post them here.

I can't forget to thank my mom and dad for watching my kids while I went to Lincoln. I thank my sister and friends who have given me so many words of love and support. But most of all, thank you to my wonderful husband, who has inspired me to be a better person. Thank you for taking care of the boys so many times when I was running, napping, eating. Thank you for your confidence and kindness. Thank you for supporting me trying again, whether it be in Marathon or this fall. I love that you love your crazy wife. I love you. Thank you.